Tips for Weddings

When you decide to get married, checklists and books and budgets and "should dos" and "must dos" may overwhelm you. I for one was going to go against the grain, have my wedding in a park, and maybe decorate the picnic tables. But then, slowly, my wedding morphed into a 'traditional' wedding. I'm not even quite sure what happened. Now many things I am looking forward to, but many I already wish I'd done differently. Here are a few things I have learned:

Dresses: If I had to do it all over again, I would not get traditional bride or bridesmaid dresses. What a waste! None of us will ever wear them again. I thought that letting each maid choose her own dress was a good idea, but really I should have just let them choose any blue dress anywhere, not just ones from a certain store. More casual dresses could have been worn again. Same goes for me. Several hundred dollars for just one night! And to top it off, the seamstresses can't even get it to fit me correctly. I'm sure I could have gotten a lovely dress from a store somewhere that fit without hundreds of dollars of alterations. And it would have been more me.

Site: As I mentioned before, I wanted to have my wedding in a park. There were two major problems with the park; 1)You can only book 6 months to the day in advance in person, and I don't live in the same city, and 2) It is a long drive from any hotel, with curving roads, making me worry about drunk driving. Other problems included the less than tasteful bathrooms and the beer-only policy. My parents and sister spent a whole day with Matt and I looking for sites, and later Erin and I went to look at even more. I ended up picking the last one, with a booking fee that was one of the steepest. Was it because I liked it best? I was tired of driving around? It had a central location? I'm not sure; probably mostly #2. It is a gorgeous site and thankfully has no grass (my AZ pet peeve), but it isn't terribly natural and is a bit fancy for my plain self. Other sites I would have liked were out in the country or the mountains, and Matt and I were concerned that our grandmothers wouldn't be able to make such a long drive. This is one important point - prioritize what you want in a wedding - people or place. Sometimes you just can't have both. (I do wish I knew someone with a backyard big enough for this soirée. That would be a great solution.)

Food: I tried for a long time to find a cheap and not so fancy caterer. It is pretty impossible. To get someone willing to set up your tables and everything for you, you end up with something sort of fancy. After one misguided contract with Heidi's (a bitch in case anyone is wondering), I found Mariana who is super nice and helpful. Lesson learned: Never go for the easy one. Sometimes spending more time looking and more time planning is better.

Money: I thought that I could have a relatively cheap wedding. Well I guess it still is well under the average, but it is a whole lot of money for just one night. The biggest thing I discovered about saving money is to have a small guest list and a free or cheap site. The more mouths you have to feed, the more you pay, and the extra money for the site tacked on top of everything else may be an unnecessary expense.

Flowers: I have no idea why flowers are so important and expensive. As my friend Erin pointed out, you can buy fairly cheap flowers at Trader Joe's that would make great bouquets and centerpieces. I tried to buy local, organic flowers (in Phoenix!) and that fell through. So now we are making our own bouquets, which I swore I would never do. However, since I'm at it, maybe I should have done all the flowers myself and saved several hundred dollars. As far as I'm concerned, flowers are pretty no matter what you do with them (almost).

Planning: I'm pretty sure I could have put on a wedding just like this one with many fewer months of planning. Then you don't have to worry about 6 month site reservations, because you will fall within that. The expensive sites will be taken. The parks will be reservable. The fancy caterers will be taken, so you will have to go local and relatively unknown, which might be better. Really everything important besides the site, I have booked or rebooked within the last 3 months. Caterer, florist, etc. Don't spend your life planning (unless you want to) - give yourself a break and do it the easy way - fast!


I guess those are my main comments. The bottom line is, weddings are expensive. For the couple, the parents, the attendants, the guests. Are they worth it? I'm sure to some extent. There is a balance between cutting your costs and keeping your guests happy (who may have traveled a long way). But really, it should be the wedding you want, not the wedding the books say. Try not to get caught up in everything or so worried about details that you book the 'easy' things. Doing it the right way will be just as easy.

Good luck to all you future brides! I'll let you know how mine goes.