Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Marriage

I have been married for a touch over 6 months. During this period, I have noticed that not much has changed between me and my husband, but things seem to change with other people. Marriage is an over-hyped, myth-shrouded tradition, but to me it just legalizes our relationship. That's really it. (And by the way, I don't think this should be necessary, and I do think this should apply to relationships of every kind. Other people's marriages do not threaten the sanctity of my own.)

However, to other people it seems to imply a major life decision that changes the way they act toward me. For instance, before if I told family or friends about arguments or decisions that Matt and I were struggling with, they might say, "Oh, don't worry, I'm sure it will work out." Now this same discussion elicits an, "Are you going to get a divorce?" This really makes me not want to talk about it to anyone and bottle it all up inside me, which as you know, used to be my favorite method of coping, and is probably not very healthy. I really do appreciate the girls that listen and commiserate with me. Thanks!

Then there are the people that seem to think that me being married changes our friendship. I had been living with Matt for a year and a half before we got married; I lived in another state for 8 months. I don't think that adding a marriage certificate caused me to act differently, but maybe I am wrong. I am still the same person. I still have the same problems. My life isn't instantly perfect because I am married. I still like to have friends. If anything life is harder - those of you not married yet should keep this in mind. I am certainly glad I am married and I love my husband, but it is not easy. The life-long commitment didn't suddenly eliminate all worries. But I am off track. I simply mean to say that I hope I haven't changed or become less exciting or a worse friend because I am married.

I'm sure it is naive to think that you can get married and your life will stay the same, but I am surprised at the things I have noticed. Marriage makes life different in ways I did not expect. Go figure.
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2 comments:

Unknown said...

I appreciate this posting.

Also, I hope you know that any "are you getting divorced" comment that I might have made was in jest. You know my style by now, I hope.

Further, I hope that I haven't changed my attitude with you. Perhaps, I have and if that is true we can talk about it more.

Miss you and it was great seeing you. Let me know about that weekend in September.

8/21/2007 9:26 PM
Karen said...

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. My comment about you getting a divorce was a direct result of Dad telling me about his conversation with you and was really a joke as well. You know as well as I do that Bernie and I are the king and queen of marital disagreements and I hope that you will continue to talk about these things with me.

Also, Bernie and I too noticed the change in people's attitudes after we got married (except from other married people). For example, Kristine and Elvira did not want to go out with us anymore. I do not know what we can do about that except come to terms with the fact that we may always be the ones initiating any social activities.

8/22/2007 2:38 AM

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