I have been married for a touch over 6 months. During this period, I have noticed that not much has changed between me and my husband, but things seem to change with other people. Marriage is an over-hyped, myth-shrouded tradition, but to me it just legalizes our relationship. That's really it. (And by the way, I don't think this should be necessary, and I do think this should apply to relationships of every kind. Other people's marriages do not threaten the sanctity of my own.)
However, to other people it seems to imply a major life decision that changes the way they act toward me. For instance, before if I told family or friends about arguments or decisions that Matt and I were struggling with, they might say, "Oh, don't worry, I'm sure it will work out." Now this same discussion elicits an, "Are you going to get a divorce?" This really makes me not want to talk about it to anyone and bottle it all up inside me, which as you know, used to be my favorite method of coping, and is probably not very healthy. I really do appreciate the girls that listen and commiserate with me. Thanks!
Then there are the people that seem to think that me being married changes our friendship. I had been living with Matt for a year and a half before we got married; I lived in another state for 8 months. I don't think that adding a marriage certificate caused me to act differently, but maybe I am wrong. I am still the same person. I still have the same problems. My life isn't instantly perfect because I am married. I still like to have friends. If anything life is harder - those of you not married yet should keep this in mind. I am certainly glad I am married and I love my husband, but it is not easy. The life-long commitment didn't suddenly eliminate all worries. But I am off track. I simply mean to say that I hope I haven't changed or become less exciting or a worse friend because I am married.
I'm sure it is naive to think that you can get married and your life will stay the same, but I am surprised at the things I have noticed. Marriage makes life different in ways I did not expect. Go figure.
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
My Vows
Some of you mentioned that you couldn't hear me, so I am posting them for the world to see, as interested. Who knew I couldn't talk loud enough?
Matt,
When we met, you made me smile.
When we were friends, you made me laugh.
When we were dating, you expanded my horizons.
When we were engaged, you grew with me.
Today you embark with me, as a preacher (Bill Swetmon) said, on "a common search for the good and the beautiful." Though many things in the world today are no cause for celebration, we know that love can make a difference, and this is where we will start.
Today, I, Alison, take you, Matt, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and cherish you, laugh with you and cry with you, climb rocks with you and study water with you, all the days of my life.
And, as Bai Juyi wrote, "In our next life we will be birds flying wing to wing in the sky, or sturdy branches entagled with each other on the earth."
Matt, you are my blue sky, my wind and my rain; to you I pledge my love undaunted.
Matt,
When we met, you made me smile.
When we were friends, you made me laugh.
When we were dating, you expanded my horizons.
When we were engaged, you grew with me.
Today you embark with me, as a preacher (Bill Swetmon) said, on "a common search for the good and the beautiful." Though many things in the world today are no cause for celebration, we know that love can make a difference, and this is where we will start.
Today, I, Alison, take you, Matt, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and cherish you, laugh with you and cry with you, climb rocks with you and study water with you, all the days of my life.
And, as Bai Juyi wrote, "In our next life we will be birds flying wing to wing in the sky, or sturdy branches entagled with each other on the earth."
Matt, you are my blue sky, my wind and my rain; to you I pledge my love undaunted.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Marriage
Well, this past weekend was the big event! Matt and I made our commitment legal and are now able to obtain certain benefits that are unavailable to many others. Part of me felt like participating in this institution was morally wrong until it is open to everybody, no matter who they want to marry. However, I also wanted to marry Matt! So since I went ahead and did it, I pledge to advocate for equal rights and vote for politicians who do as well.
Another part of marriage that is hard to come to terms with are the traditions involved in the ceremony itself. We definitely made sure there were no "women are subservient to men" clauses, I am not changing my name, I got walked down the aisle by both my parents, and I hope that it came across as support, not 'giving me away.' I did wear white, that I will admit, but it does look pretty! (That is my only excuse.) Also, I chose not to wear the veil. I said my vows first because the male should not be the only one to take the lead. There are probably some other things I didn't think of that are catering to patriarchal traditions. Matt probably should have walked down the aisle too, not just me. What can I say? I am a sucker for pretty things and traditions.
All that aside, Matt and I are having fun so far. We haven't done much, just spent some time with family, opened presents, and drove back to New Mexico. Tomorrow we return to regular life. Doesn't really seem like anything has changed. There's just that little piece of paper with our signatures on it to remind us that we are 'legal.' So now Matt can get some dental work. And a new contact prescription. And I can golf for cheap at NMT. Lots of bonuses. Mostly we are just our same old selves.
Also, for the record, I wouldn't hire Mariana for your catering. She is a great cook but not so good at the catering. Also make sure that the site's event planner will actually be there at the rehearsal and event. It is hard to coordinate things yourself, especially when you are supposed to be hidden from view. And hydrangeas die quickly in Arizona, even in February. Bad idea, but they were pretty for a day!
Thanks everyone who was there to celebrate our big day with us! It was lots of fun!
Matt and I will definitely post pictures when they become available. If anyone has bridal shower, bachelorette party, or wedding pictures, I would love to see them!
On a completely different note, I just found out that I am a semi-finalist in my secret application. I have a phone interview in early March, so wish me luck!
Another part of marriage that is hard to come to terms with are the traditions involved in the ceremony itself. We definitely made sure there were no "women are subservient to men" clauses, I am not changing my name, I got walked down the aisle by both my parents, and I hope that it came across as support, not 'giving me away.' I did wear white, that I will admit, but it does look pretty! (That is my only excuse.) Also, I chose not to wear the veil. I said my vows first because the male should not be the only one to take the lead. There are probably some other things I didn't think of that are catering to patriarchal traditions. Matt probably should have walked down the aisle too, not just me. What can I say? I am a sucker for pretty things and traditions.
All that aside, Matt and I are having fun so far. We haven't done much, just spent some time with family, opened presents, and drove back to New Mexico. Tomorrow we return to regular life. Doesn't really seem like anything has changed. There's just that little piece of paper with our signatures on it to remind us that we are 'legal.' So now Matt can get some dental work. And a new contact prescription. And I can golf for cheap at NMT. Lots of bonuses. Mostly we are just our same old selves.
Also, for the record, I wouldn't hire Mariana for your catering. She is a great cook but not so good at the catering. Also make sure that the site's event planner will actually be there at the rehearsal and event. It is hard to coordinate things yourself, especially when you are supposed to be hidden from view. And hydrangeas die quickly in Arizona, even in February. Bad idea, but they were pretty for a day!
Thanks everyone who was there to celebrate our big day with us! It was lots of fun!
Matt and I will definitely post pictures when they become available. If anyone has bridal shower, bachelorette party, or wedding pictures, I would love to see them!
On a completely different note, I just found out that I am a semi-finalist in my secret application. I have a phone interview in early March, so wish me luck!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tips for Weddings
When you decide to get married, checklists and books and budgets and "should dos" and "must dos" may overwhelm you. I for one was going to go against the grain, have my wedding in a park, and maybe decorate the picnic tables. But then, slowly, my wedding morphed into a 'traditional' wedding. I'm not even quite sure what happened. Now many things I am looking forward to, but many I already wish I'd done differently. Here are a few things I have learned:
Dresses: If I had to do it all over again, I would not get traditional bride or bridesmaid dresses. What a waste! None of us will ever wear them again. I thought that letting each maid choose her own dress was a good idea, but really I should have just let them choose any blue dress anywhere, not just ones from a certain store. More casual dresses could have been worn again. Same goes for me. Several hundred dollars for just one night! And to top it off, the seamstresses can't even get it to fit me correctly. I'm sure I could have gotten a lovely dress from a store somewhere that fit without hundreds of dollars of alterations. And it would have been more me.
Site: As I mentioned before, I wanted to have my wedding in a park. There were two major problems with the park; 1)You can only book 6 months to the day in advance in person, and I don't live in the same city, and 2) It is a long drive from any hotel, with curving roads, making me worry about drunk driving. Other problems included the less than tasteful bathrooms and the beer-only policy. My parents and sister spent a whole day with Matt and I looking for sites, and later Erin and I went to look at even more. I ended up picking the last one, with a booking fee that was one of the steepest. Was it because I liked it best? I was tired of driving around? It had a central location? I'm not sure; probably mostly #2. It is a gorgeous site and thankfully has no grass (my AZ pet peeve), but it isn't terribly natural and is a bit fancy for my plain self. Other sites I would have liked were out in the country or the mountains, and Matt and I were concerned that our grandmothers wouldn't be able to make such a long drive. This is one important point - prioritize what you want in a wedding - people or place. Sometimes you just can't have both. (I do wish I knew someone with a backyard big enough for this soirée. That would be a great solution.)
Food: I tried for a long time to find a cheap and not so fancy caterer. It is pretty impossible. To get someone willing to set up your tables and everything for you, you end up with something sort of fancy. After one misguided contract with Heidi's (a bitch in case anyone is wondering), I found Mariana who is super nice and helpful. Lesson learned: Never go for the easy one. Sometimes spending more time looking and more time planning is better.
Money: I thought that I could have a relatively cheap wedding. Well I guess it still is well under the average, but it is a whole lot of money for just one night. The biggest thing I discovered about saving money is to have a small guest list and a free or cheap site. The more mouths you have to feed, the more you pay, and the extra money for the site tacked on top of everything else may be an unnecessary expense.
Flowers: I have no idea why flowers are so important and expensive. As my friend Erin pointed out, you can buy fairly cheap flowers at Trader Joe's that would make great bouquets and centerpieces. I tried to buy local, organic flowers (in Phoenix!) and that fell through. So now we are making our own bouquets, which I swore I would never do. However, since I'm at it, maybe I should have done all the flowers myself and saved several hundred dollars. As far as I'm concerned, flowers are pretty no matter what you do with them (almost).
Planning: I'm pretty sure I could have put on a wedding just like this one with many fewer months of planning. Then you don't have to worry about 6 month site reservations, because you will fall within that. The expensive sites will be taken. The parks will be reservable. The fancy caterers will be taken, so you will have to go local and relatively unknown, which might be better. Really everything important besides the site, I have booked or rebooked within the last 3 months. Caterer, florist, etc. Don't spend your life planning (unless you want to) - give yourself a break and do it the easy way - fast!
I guess those are my main comments. The bottom line is, weddings are expensive. For the couple, the parents, the attendants, the guests. Are they worth it? I'm sure to some extent. There is a balance between cutting your costs and keeping your guests happy (who may have traveled a long way). But really, it should be the wedding you want, not the wedding the books say. Try not to get caught up in everything or so worried about details that you book the 'easy' things. Doing it the right way will be just as easy.
Good luck to all you future brides! I'll let you know how mine goes.
Dresses: If I had to do it all over again, I would not get traditional bride or bridesmaid dresses. What a waste! None of us will ever wear them again. I thought that letting each maid choose her own dress was a good idea, but really I should have just let them choose any blue dress anywhere, not just ones from a certain store. More casual dresses could have been worn again. Same goes for me. Several hundred dollars for just one night! And to top it off, the seamstresses can't even get it to fit me correctly. I'm sure I could have gotten a lovely dress from a store somewhere that fit without hundreds of dollars of alterations. And it would have been more me.
Site: As I mentioned before, I wanted to have my wedding in a park. There were two major problems with the park; 1)You can only book 6 months to the day in advance in person, and I don't live in the same city, and 2) It is a long drive from any hotel, with curving roads, making me worry about drunk driving. Other problems included the less than tasteful bathrooms and the beer-only policy. My parents and sister spent a whole day with Matt and I looking for sites, and later Erin and I went to look at even more. I ended up picking the last one, with a booking fee that was one of the steepest. Was it because I liked it best? I was tired of driving around? It had a central location? I'm not sure; probably mostly #2. It is a gorgeous site and thankfully has no grass (my AZ pet peeve), but it isn't terribly natural and is a bit fancy for my plain self. Other sites I would have liked were out in the country or the mountains, and Matt and I were concerned that our grandmothers wouldn't be able to make such a long drive. This is one important point - prioritize what you want in a wedding - people or place. Sometimes you just can't have both. (I do wish I knew someone with a backyard big enough for this soirée. That would be a great solution.)
Food: I tried for a long time to find a cheap and not so fancy caterer. It is pretty impossible. To get someone willing to set up your tables and everything for you, you end up with something sort of fancy. After one misguided contract with Heidi's (a bitch in case anyone is wondering), I found Mariana who is super nice and helpful. Lesson learned: Never go for the easy one. Sometimes spending more time looking and more time planning is better.
Money: I thought that I could have a relatively cheap wedding. Well I guess it still is well under the average, but it is a whole lot of money for just one night. The biggest thing I discovered about saving money is to have a small guest list and a free or cheap site. The more mouths you have to feed, the more you pay, and the extra money for the site tacked on top of everything else may be an unnecessary expense.
Flowers: I have no idea why flowers are so important and expensive. As my friend Erin pointed out, you can buy fairly cheap flowers at Trader Joe's that would make great bouquets and centerpieces. I tried to buy local, organic flowers (in Phoenix!) and that fell through. So now we are making our own bouquets, which I swore I would never do. However, since I'm at it, maybe I should have done all the flowers myself and saved several hundred dollars. As far as I'm concerned, flowers are pretty no matter what you do with them (almost).
Planning: I'm pretty sure I could have put on a wedding just like this one with many fewer months of planning. Then you don't have to worry about 6 month site reservations, because you will fall within that. The expensive sites will be taken. The parks will be reservable. The fancy caterers will be taken, so you will have to go local and relatively unknown, which might be better. Really everything important besides the site, I have booked or rebooked within the last 3 months. Caterer, florist, etc. Don't spend your life planning (unless you want to) - give yourself a break and do it the easy way - fast!
I guess those are my main comments. The bottom line is, weddings are expensive. For the couple, the parents, the attendants, the guests. Are they worth it? I'm sure to some extent. There is a balance between cutting your costs and keeping your guests happy (who may have traveled a long way). But really, it should be the wedding you want, not the wedding the books say. Try not to get caught up in everything or so worried about details that you book the 'easy' things. Doing it the right way will be just as easy.
Good luck to all you future brides! I'll let you know how mine goes.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Upcoming Events
Today: nothing really
Tomorrow: The 10 day weather forecast that includes February 10, 2007, will be available. I predict 72 and partly cloudy.
Thursday: Hopefully I will finally get to see Blood Diamond and be able to pat myself on the back for having a lab-created diamond.
Friday: I leave for Phoenix! Things of note which will be coming on the plane with me:
20 clothespins
2 teddy bears
100+ strands of colored raffia
1 pair flip-flops
1 bottle electric blue nail polish
5 tax forms
8 cards
80 odd pieces of paper
1 1/8 inch hole punch
Saturday: Party! 2nd Party! Yay!
Sunday: Super Bowl! Also possibly a trip to Costco, but that might be quite scary.
Monday: Try on and hopefully bring home my dress!
Tuesday: favors and gift bags and Matt arrives at night
Wednesday: run errands
Thursday: centerpieces
Friday: bouquets, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, bowling!
Saturday: The BIG Day!
Sunday: Post-event depression. And a long car ride.
Tomorrow: The 10 day weather forecast that includes February 10, 2007, will be available. I predict 72 and partly cloudy.
Thursday: Hopefully I will finally get to see Blood Diamond and be able to pat myself on the back for having a lab-created diamond.
Friday: I leave for Phoenix! Things of note which will be coming on the plane with me:
20 clothespins
2 teddy bears
100+ strands of colored raffia
1 pair flip-flops
1 bottle electric blue nail polish
5 tax forms
8 cards
80 odd pieces of paper
1 1/8 inch hole punch
Saturday: Party! 2nd Party! Yay!
Sunday: Super Bowl! Also possibly a trip to Costco, but that might be quite scary.
Monday: Try on and hopefully bring home my dress!
Tuesday: favors and gift bags and Matt arrives at night
Wednesday: run errands
Thursday: centerpieces
Friday: bouquets, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, bowling!
Saturday: The BIG Day!
Sunday: Post-event depression. And a long car ride.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
28 days and counting!
I really cannot believe that I will be getting married in less than a month. That is crazy! Sometimes I think that I am old (26!) but then sometimes I think there is no way I am ready to settle down right now. And I'm talking about actual physical location, not Matt, who I am excited to marry. It just is weird not to be able to pick up and leave or take seasonal jobs or any of that fun stuff I used to do. Now I live in a house and have a real job. And soon I will be married! I am pretty sure none of my friends would have expected this from me. And I have been here in New Mexico for almost 7 months now, so its not like the wedding is going to change anything. So I am excited! There is not so much left to do now - mostly write my vows. I am looking forward to seeing everyone at the wedding! And bowling of course, we can't forget about that. Okay well that was a boring blog. I'll try to think of something more fun to say next time.
Oh and on a side note, the journal article I wrote based on my Master's thesis was finally reviewed, and somehow one of the reviewers was a guy who works in my lab. Now seriously, is the world of SD modeling really so small that one of my co-workers is a reviewer? Let me just say that this paper is not that great and neither was the review, so it is just a bit embarrassing. On a better note, all three of my references finally got their letters in for the 'secret' application, although one might not arrive until the due date - talk about cutting it close. I guess I might not hear anything else until March. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, there are new pictures on the Happy New Years entry.
Oh and on a side note, the journal article I wrote based on my Master's thesis was finally reviewed, and somehow one of the reviewers was a guy who works in my lab. Now seriously, is the world of SD modeling really so small that one of my co-workers is a reviewer? Let me just say that this paper is not that great and neither was the review, so it is just a bit embarrassing. On a better note, all three of my references finally got their letters in for the 'secret' application, although one might not arrive until the due date - talk about cutting it close. I guess I might not hear anything else until March. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, there are new pictures on the Happy New Years entry.
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